MOVIES: "FIFTY SHADES OF GREY" (2024)

#2--I will not do spoilersin my review because I respect the sacred human trust of the confidentiality of"the story"--even when it comes to tripe.

I wish I could simply greetthis movie with scornful laughter, but the film is just too sad and harmful forthat. Many are making the point that most women like Ana wind up in women'sshelters. Check out the super-creepy "The Fall" (a British TV series)which stars Jamie Dornan (who plays Christian Grey) as a SERIAL KILLER who isalso into bondage and has a "type" of woman (brunette). "TheFall," at least, is more realistic about the profile of these obsessed,predatory abusers.

Now. Let's dig in.

Although "50 Shades ofGrey" and its great popularity is a real tragedy, I'm GLAD that it is alsobeing used as an opportunity to talk about sexual abuse, domestic abuse and THEOLOGYOF THE BODY (which heals and informs and leads to true fulfillment of desires)! God can bring good out of anything!

TRUE LOVE and TRUE SEX areactually very simple. But very challenging. But very worth it. There is noother way. So many novels and films today are about an endless search for love.But here it is.

BUT if we look at what'sreally going on in the story, I think a lot of us are missing the point of thewhole story. I missed it for quite a while, too, but I've changed my whole tacknow because it's really quite simple.

"50 Shades" isnot about love or relationships or even sex. It's not even about control. It'sabout power, and Christian and Ana getting what they want from each other, outof each other. They are USING each other.

"50 Shades" isabout two people USING the most intimate of gifts and relationships andcontact and connection to get what they want. There is no "we."

And actually, there's noteven an "I." Once we treat others like things, we treat ourselveslike things. We treat our bodies like things. We can even treat our babies andour children like things.

"We must move from athing-based society to a person-based society."--Martin Luther King, Jr.

And aswe know, the opposite of love is USE. By using someone (sexually or otherwise) asa means to an end, we are taking away their humanity and reducing them to athing. As soon as we begin to USE someone, we are also USING ourselves andreducing ourselves to a thing. We rob ourselves of our own humanity and dignityat the same time.

JohnPaul II calls this: "the culture of death."
Benedict XVI calls this: "the dictatorship or moral relativism."
Francis calls this: "the throwaway culture."
(credit goes to @MattSwain for juxtaposing these descriptions)

But weshould never use another person because we love persons and use things, not usepersons and love things.

Thehuman person is not a means to an end, but IS an end in himself/herself. Thehuman person is the only creature created for himself/herself.

Theonly appropriate response to a human person is LOVE.

Why has "50Shades" struck a chord today? Why this record-breaking popularity?

1. Isit because our world is sex-starved? No.
2. Is it because there has never been BDSM erotic literature like this before?No.
3. Is it "the tipping point": enough "influencers" gotbehind this e-book (its original form) and spread it word-of-mouth? Perhaps.
4. Is there something, anything new and unique about this story? Not being anexpert on erotica, I tenuously say: perhaps.
5. Many women aren't experiencing true love and true sex in their marriages (because,for starters, our world--women and men--doesn't know what true love/true sexis)? Bingo. (Women who don't feel a lack in their marriages don't seem to"need" to read/see "50 Shades.")
6. Different people are reading it for different reasons: a) those who readerotica regularly b) those who never read erotica but gave themselvespermission since "50 Shades" is now mainstream c) curiosity, to be"in the know" d) feminists (of whatever ilk) doing a read of it--andeither hailing it or demonizing it e) the proverbial bored housewives("mommy p*rn"--what a sad phrase!) seeking to "spice up"their marriages f) many other reasons

What might be"new" about "50 Shades"?

Whatmight be new is this phenomenally warped idea that as long as women CONSENT toparticipate in their own degradation, it's EMPOWERING. Sorry, honey. It doesn'twork that way. Degradation is degradation, and we must always afford ourselves andothers our human dignity even if we/they don't want it. But this idea is nottotally new. Lena Dunham of "Girls" (HBO) and other feminists of thehour think, live and create their media this way also. AND just about everyyoung woman who engages in drunken, anonymous sex every weekend on collegecampuses (to a lesser degree). The layers and entanglements of LIES here isstaggering.

The lie about men: men want to abuse women, and it's good for men.

The lie about women: women want to be abused, and it's good for them.

"Mygirlfriends and I are all in sexually degrading relationships with men. But weconsider ourselves feminists." --Lena Dunham (who, I believe sees theinconsistency, but can't quite comprehend it, doesn't quite know what to doabout it--because she doesn't know Theology of the Body!)

Adeep, thoughtful article in "Entertainment Weekly" does a certainkind of feminist read on "50 Shades": http://www.ew.com/microsites/longform/fiftyshades/.But it ends in the same inconclusive, disillusioned, insular haze of today'snon-Theology-of-the-Body culture. Leslie Bennetts, the author, bemoans thatbecause women continue to be abused and sexually harassed (even in daily life,walking down the street, on the job), we are hopelessly conditioned and willnever know what our true sexual desires are (and "transgressive" isgood). What's wrong with this picture? Like an article on the present state offeminism that I read in "America" magazine not too long ago, it wasjust women. By themselves. Talking to themselves. About themselves. Writing menoff as never being able to be a part of the solution. Not working things outtogether in the complementarity of the sexes.

WHY would women think abuse and pain is sexy or liberating?

Ah. The trillion dollar question. The first thing I'd like to say is:"WHERE ARE THE FEMINISTS OF THE 70'S?" They would have seen throughthis smokescreen so fast! The problem with feminism today is that it hasmorphed into: "Anybody should be able to do anything, even if itsself-destructive, and we can't say anything to anybody about anything, we can onlyfight for your right to destroy yourself and others." So they can't saythat Ana's hurting herself and they can't say that Christian is abusing women.

Take the 2014 Grammys. President Obama did a PSA against domestic abuse,and a survivor, Brooke Axtell, gave a moving, impassioned speech. Andthen...cut to an ad for "50 Shades of Grey"! Oh, the irony!

Now, the deeper question is why do women fall for this book/concept inthe first place?

Christopher West says: one answermight be that it's like "cutting." Where people are in such deepemotional pain that they need to express that externally, in their bodies. Theyget relief by transferring the interior pain to the exterior (which also getstheir attention ofF the spiritual pain that they're in).

Some of my close friends, one who engaged incutting and another who actually lived the S/m lifestyle for many years saythat they think it could be: if someone is abused (especially as children),they try to gain control of the abuse later by re-living the trauma with somedegree of "control." My friends said that for some, it's a relief ofthe guilt and shame if they feel they are somehow punished.

Some psychologists have suggested thatsince women and men are supposed to be exactly the same today, and that much ofthe feminist movement has virtually turned women into men even when it comes tothe sexual act, and women are trying to differentiate themselves in the sexual actby way-overcompensating in a kind of sick, twisted "surrender."

Some Christians have said that sincewomen ignore the Bible where it says: "Wives be submissive to yourhusbands," women are feeling this need to submit somehow. But I disagreewith this because if you look at the WHOLE passage of Ephesians 5 (what comesbefore and after this passage), it is all about MUTUAL submission (andactually, the man's role is to DIE! To lay down HIS life for his bride, not layHER life down for himself!).

Pope John Paul II is ADAMANT about this MUTUALITY in his Theology of theBody and ADAMANT about men being attentive to women's sexual desires in marriage, not just their own. Yeah. No wonder he called himself "the feminist pope"! NOW. Is this how Christian is treating Ana? Laying down his life for her?No! Just the opposite. Oh, and guess what? He's not her husband! We've gottenso used to all kinds of sexual sin and sex outside marriage that we're not evenlooking at the fornication going on here--which, of course, is eclipsed by thesexual abuse.

Instructionsfor Christian Households -- Ephesians 5

^"21Submit to ONE ANOTHERout of reverence for Christ.²⁵Husbands,love your wives,just as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER²⁶to makeher holy,cleansing^[b]her by the washingwith water through the word,²⁷and topresent her to himselfas a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any otherblemish, but holy and blameless.²⁸In thissame way, husbands ought to love their wivesas their own bodies. He who loveshis wife loves himself.²⁹After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed andcare for their body, just as Christ does the church—³⁰for weare members of his body.³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and beunited to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^[c]32This is aprofound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.³³However,each one of you also must LOVE HIS WIFE AS HE LOVES HIMSELF."

We have all the stats on how sexual abuse works (even if it's a "consenting"adult). The victims are conditioned, they have low self-esteem, they are very,very confused about what love is, what dignity is, many of them were abused aschildren and then they either become abusers or abused or both as adults. Whyare we pretending that we don't have this information?

What about the argument that if it'sconsensual it's OK?

First of all: are you married? No? BUZZER SOUND. Then, no. Sex outsidemarriage is never OK. Why not? Because the language of the body, the languageof sex is: FUNDAMENTAL, FREE, FULL, FAITHFUL AND FRUITFUL. Sex says: "Youalone forever." Sex is a total gift of self, body and soul. Every time wehave sex with someone, our bodies are saying: I just married you, I justmarried you.... And now we know that the body releases powerful bondingchemicals during sex that are meant to bind us to our spouse forever:physically, emotionally, psychologically, emotionally, etc. OR as Cameron Diazsaid in "Vanilla Sky": "When you sleep with someone, your bodymakes a promise whether you do or not."

Now, what if we are married? Does that mean we can do whatever we wantsexually or otherwise with and to each other as long as it's consensual? No. Truelove and human dignity still applies, and in marriage there can easily becoercion (usually of the woman)--OR the woman might agree to something shedoesn't really want just to "please her husband" without him evenknowing that she doesn't really want to do something. Or maybe he does know anddoesn't care. Or he refuses to communicate about it. And if PLEASURE becomesthe highest good and goal in the marital embrace, then lust and addictions cantake over where there's supposed to be a loving, mutually-deferringrelationship. PLEASURE is awesome and good and holy and God-invented, but it'sonly one of the aspects of the marital embrace which have to be kept togetherin a big, messy jumble. Start extracting and focusing on JUST maximum pleasure? The holistic unity/integrity of sex falls apart.

I cannot tell you how many Catholic wives I have met (while presentingTheology of the Body) who are doing all kinds of things they don't want to doin the bedroom because "he" wants it, and they feel obliged or wantto please him or keep him or they think they aren't allowed to say no and they've tried talking to him about it but he doesn't want to talk about it. How SAD is this? I hope"50 Shades" won't ingrain this false "duty" into thesewomen, but actually be an occasion for them to get healing in their marriage asthey hear many women coming forward about their various experiences and degreesof abuse.

True love always wants and does what's good for the other.

Want the big principles and nitty-gritty details about what's"OK" sexually in a marriage? "Good News About Sex andMarriage" by Christopher West.

Do some women actually enjoy BDSM (inmarriage)?

Probably. And so, Ana might be that kind of woman. We might not be ableto say that Christian "corrupted" her because she may have really, trulywanted him to do whatever he did to her. But of course, again, they weren'tmarried.... Soooo...how is it that Anastasia is NOT a courtesan?

What can people DO about thisphenomenon?

1. Don't read the books or see the film because you're curious or thinkyou have to be part of the conversation. This is not just because you don'twant to give your financial support, but because of this: Tell me how you'regoing to read/watch without sinning? Willing your own sexual arousal throughwords, images, etc., unrelated to the marital act with your spouse, is sinful. Yes, Sister said "sin." :)

2. Learn, live and love Theology of the Body. Theology of the Body isthe ultimate life hack. It's about what you CAN have, not what you can't. Be aliving, JOYFUL witness to true love and true sex whether you're single, marriedor priest/religious. Introductions to Theology of the Body: www.tinyurl.com/TOBresources

3. Talk to your friends about it, calmly. Use soundbites. Send them towebsites.

4. Teach your kids and teens Theology of the Body in age-appropriate ways.Our ignorance, embarrassment and silence is killing them. God, the Church andtheir parents have nothing to say about the most important area of our lives?Where we give and receive love and life? While they're swimming in asex-saturated, sex-addicted culture? Really? Give them a context! Kids wholearn Theology of the Body FIRST know when something is off in the way thehuman body is portrayed, treated. You're giving them God's beautiful, glorious,positive vision of beauty, sex, love and relationships--goals and somethingnoble to strive for. www.FamilyHonor.org www.LittleDouglings.com

5. Watch "Old Fashioned"--also opening Valentine's Day, 2015!(My review here)